'Free Beer Tomorrow' - weekly reflection 13th October 2024

A good number of years ago when we were living in Cornwall, I made the long trip up to Oldham to see my stepfather who was in hospital and close to death.  As I was about to take my leave of him, I guessed rightly for the last time, I gave him a cuddle and told him that I loved him. With the most wonderful, puzzled look on his face, he said, ‘do you.’  Showing affection in this very particular way was not overly common amongst our family, or indeed generally.  And certainly not amongst men.  

That remains a treasured memory.  And when someone we love dies, we often reflect on our last words or maybe even our actions.  There are times of course, when sadly, those last words spoken could be angry words or unkind words.

My thoughts are landing here this week because last week on the 9^th October it was the second anniversary of Jane’s great-niece being murdered during a night out in Oswestry. She was just 22 with a whole life ahead of her.  Just a few months before that, again very suddenly, Becca’s grandmother had been found dead in her bungalow by her cleaner. She was 70 and suffered a stroke.

And then on the 10^th October we were back in Cornwall for the funeral of Gary Parnell. Our son’s brother-in-law who died by suicide at the age of 35.  Gary had been fighting his demons for some time but had always reached out to family or friends who had helped him through the darkness and despair.  

But sadly, not this time leaving his family and friends asking those questions about the last conversation and the last words.

At his funeral in Bodmin Crematorium the chapel was packed with people standing. At the ‘wake’ afterwards there was a crowd of at least 50+ friends and family come to offer their support to the family.  Gary’s sister, Tracey had a ‘Gary Music List’ playing and there was some good banter and a little drinking and merriment going on. As I sat there looking at all these people, all sorts of people, who knew and loved and supported Gary I reflected upon what state of mind must someone have to come to not to know of this love, care and support.

I was reminded of that adage, ‘send me flowers when I can sniff, not when I am stiff.’

Just how good are we at telling someone we love them. Just how good are we at making every effort not to let anger have the last word.

And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.” Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry… Ephesians 4.26

Let us not take people for granted, let us not take our family and friends for granted, let us seek as much as lies within us to live in peace. Today is the only day when we can say, I love you, I forgive you, let us talk, let me talk, I need help.  

Have you ever seen that sign in a pub, ‘free beer tomorrow.’    Think about that, it’s simple and yet profound.  I will tell them tomorrow, I will say sorry tomorrow, I will forgive them tomorrow, I will tell them how much they mean to me tomorrow, I will tell them I love them – tomorrow, only to discover it was too late!